Mental Health Series - Adult Children Bullying Parents

There are all forms of bullying that are disguised in various ways.

As a young child, you probably saw or experienced bullying on the playground, riding the bus to school, or in your school hallways.

Now that there is social media, bullying occurs in a whole other fashion that hurts just as much or more.

And, after becoming an adult, bullying doesn't stop.

Adult bullying is becoming an epidemic.

Adult children are bullying their parents... can you believe it?

 According to Psychology Today, there are three types of Parents who get bullied by their own children:

Three parenting styles are most likely to trigger bullying in children.

• The guilty parent. Something has gone wrong—a divorce, an illness, a financial hardship—and now the parent feels guilty. To ease their guilt they give their kids too much freedom and not enough limits. This always backfires.

• The anxious parent. This is a parent who is always worrying and expressing anxiety. Children experience a parent’s anxiety as, "I don't believe in you," “I don't trust you," or "you're not a capable person," and this triggers a lot of anger and resentment toward the parent.

• The fix-everything parent. These parents can't stand to see their children frustrated and constantly step in and solve problems for them. Such parents have good intentions and are often heroic, but the outcome is horrendous. The child remains dependent on the parents and unconsciously resents them for it. They are never satisfied. In fact, the more you give them, the less they appreciate you. Children have a natural drive for independence that needs to be encouraged. The fix-everything parent discourages it and therefore dwarfs the emotional development of their own child. Children of fix-everything parents have a tendency to age but not mature.

Do you fall into one of these categories?

According to the blog "Adult Children Bullying Parents",  a bully is an unhappy person looking for a victim to punish. 

So, what can you do if your adult child is bullying you?

Here are some suggestions from "The Abusive Adult Child" hubpage:

If you are being abused by your child here are some things you need to do.

1. Make contact with as many people as you can . 

2. Tell your Dr what is going on. If the abuser goes to the Dr's office with you, make an appointment for a private problem that requires a physical like a prostate exam or a personal ladies physical such as a pap smear . That way the abuser will not be in the room at that time and then tell the Dr what is going on. 

3. Tell family members, relatives, and friends, any community support worker you are involved with , and ask for their help. 

4. Call the crisis line in your area, crisis lines are usually manned 24 hrs a day . You can call then just to talk if you need some one to talk to. Make an appointment with an abuse counselor .

5. If you are ready to end the abuse and the abuser lives with you and they do not pay rent, contact the police and have them removed from your house ., Ask for a restraining order or NO CONTACT order . 

Make plans to not be alone , Here are some suggestions 

1, Find a friend or relative you can stay with until everything is safe . 

2. You could also try and get some one to stay with you. 

3. Hire some one to stay with you for a few months 

4. consider moving to a seniors residence where you will be safe . or seniors only housing complex/ apartment 

You may still love your abusive child and you may feel you are being cruel buy putting a restraining or on them or kicking them out, but things will not get better until you do If your adult child is abusing you or taking advantage of you they are the ones doing wrong , not you .

Parents, please, stop being afraid of your adult children. The HuffPost agrees!


Parents, please read The Bill of Rights for Parents of Adult Children. You do not have to be disrespected by your own child.

Mental Health Stigma - Can You Pass the Test?

Are you sure you do not harbor any negative thoughts about people with Mental Health Issues?

Here is a simple test developed by David Sussman, PhD:

Mental Illness Stigma Quiz

True or False:
1) There’s no real difference between the terms “mentally ill” and “has a mental illness.”
2) People with mental illness tend to be dangerous and unpredictable.
3) I would worry about my son or daughter marrying someone with a mental illness.
4) I’ve made fun of people with mental illness in the past.
5) I don’t know if I could trust a co-worker who has a mental illness.
6) I’m scared of or stay away from people who appear to have a mental illness.
7) People with a mental illness are lazy or weak and need to just “get over it.”
8) Once someone has a mental illness, they will never recover.
9) I would hesitate to hire someone with a history of mental illness.
10) I’ve used terms like “crazy,” “psycho,” “nut job,” or “retarded” in reference to someone with a mental illness.

The scoring is simple; one point for every true response. Unless your score is zero, you have had thoughts, feelings, or behaviors which can contribute to increased stigma toward people with mental illness. The higher your score, the more likely it is you have had these types of experiences. 

If you scored a zero, congratulate yourself. Good job! 

If you scored anything other than a zero, you may benefit from reading the articles below, or commenting and asking questions. I would be happy to answer.

Here are more articles to help you understand and discover new ways to help stop Mental Health Stigma:

Mental Health Stigma

Stigma and Mental Illness

A Surgeon General's Report on the Stigma of Mental Illness: Have We Made Progress?

Psychiatric Advanced Directives

As an advocate for your mental and physical health, it's important for you to be familiar with such legal documents as:

• Advanced Healthcare Directive
• Living Will
• Medical Power of Attorney

But, what about a Psychiatric Advanced Directive?

Many people either know about or have created their own Advanced Health Care Directive, or "Living Will." You may also be familiar with the Medical Power of Attorney. If you are not, the following explanation may provide valuable information for you and your loved ones.

When you create an Advanced Health Care Directive or, Living Will, you are stating your wishes for the kinds of medical treatment you do or do not want if you become seriously injured or ill and are not able to communicate your wishes at the time of treatment. It's important to understand, that this Healthcare document is completely separate from a will or trust that you create to leave your property to others upon your death. 

The Medical Power of Attorney differs from the Advanced Healthcare Directive in this way: while the Advanced Healthcare Directive specifically identifies the types of treatment you want or do not want based on your medical condition, the Medical Power of Attorney allows you to specify a specific representative to work with the doctors to make the best treatment choices for you based on the guidance you outlined in your Advanced Healthcare Directive.

However, those with Mental Health Issues might also want to create what is called, a "Psychiatric Advanced Directive" or PAD. It is also known as a Mental Health Advanced Directive.

What is a Psychiatric Advanced Directive?

The best definition I could find was from the US Library of Medicine National Institute of Health:

"Psychiatric advance directives (PADs) are written documents or oral statements that allow adults with decision-making capacity to declare their treatment preferences and/or to designate proxy decision makers to act on their behalf should they be deemed incapable in the future of making informed choices on their own.

In the U.S., the Patient Self-Determination Act  created momentum for recovery-oriented care, which has led to the enactment of mental health-related advance planning legislation in about two-thirds of the states. Internationally, increasing attention to such tools is found in the U.K., Ireland, Germany, Belgium, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and India."

The Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law has an extensive and comprehensive section regarding PAD's. Here is a link for information and an example of a form to complete for a Psychiatric Advanced Directive.

The National Resource Center on Psychiatric Advanced Directives can answer a lot of your questions, especially regarding specific statutes for the state in which you live. Another option is the Legal Consumer site that includes all types of Healthcare Directives, including Mental Health Care Directives by State.

Many people don't realize that the ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act, also protects those with Mental Illness.

"The ADA covers a wide range of individuals with disabilities. An individual is considered to have a "disability" if he or she has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, has a record of such an impairment, or is regarded as having such an impairment."

As for me, I have already created an Advanced Healthcare Directive, "Living Will," and identified in writing a Medical Power of Attorney. I will definitely contact my lawyer to add a Psychiatric Advanced Directive to this list of my legal documents. All of these documents are important to have prior to any scenario that may occur when the emotions of my loved ones and clarity on my part can not determine the types of treatment I prefer.

It makes sense, if you consider the alternative. Who would you rather have in charge of your treatment choices? You, as stated in a legal document? Or, someone who knows nothing about you?

If you think about it like that, there isn't any reason to hesitate creating these documents, is there? Be pro-active. Be your own advocate.


IMPORTANT NOTE:  Verify your individual state or country laws whether your Psychiatric Advanced Directive/Mental Health Advanced Directive requires notarization.

Mental Health First Aid Certification

When you think of providing First Aid for someone, what is the first thing that comes to mind?

• The First Aid badge you earned while in Girl or Boy Scouts?
• Taking CPR classes in high school or during swim lessons?
• Keeping a First Aid kit in your house, car or disaster survival box? 

What do you think of when considering Mental Health First Aid (MHFA)?

Kind of puzzling, isn't it?

I was unsure as well, when I signed up for NAMI's Mental First Aid course. As a Mental Health Advocate and Christian Counselor, I was intrigued by the course description. I found it on Facebook under Events.

Course Description:

Just as CPR helps you assist an individual having a heart attack — even if you have no clinical training — Mental Health First Aid helps you assist someone experiencing a mental health related crisis. In the Mental Health First Aid course, you learn risk factors and warning signs for mental health and addiction concerns, strategies for how to help someone in both crisis and non-crisis situations, and where to turn for help.Taught by two certified instructors, Mental Health First Aid teaches about recovery and resiliency – the belief that individuals experiencing these challenges can and do get better, and use their strengths to stay well. 

Learn how to apply the Mental Health First Aid action plan in a variety of situations, including when someone is experiencing panic attacks, suicidal behaviors, acute psychosis or reaction to trauma. The opportunity to practice – through role plays, scenarios, and activities – makes it easier to apply these skills in a real-life situation.

The Mental Health First Aid course originated in Australia. The United States is celebrating the 10 year anniversary of MHFA "Be One in a Million" campaign.

“With one in four Americans experiencing a mental health or addiction disorder each year, the National Council is committed to making this important training as common as CPR,” said Susan Blue, National Council board chair and president and CEO of Community Services Group.

Fighting Stigma is the hardest part of guiding those with Mental Health Issues to seek help or for finding help. Many find that fighting stigma is actually harder than fighting the illness.

Per the Washington Post, "According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there were 41,149 suicides in 2013, making suicide the 10th-leading cause of death in the United States."

Many people with Mental Health Issues suffer in silence rather than face discrimination or ridicule. Stigma appears in many negative forms: prejudice, discrimination, fear, distrust, stereotyping. Stigma affects quality of care.

There are so many misconceptions, myths, and preconceived notions about Mental Illness that clouds the ability for someone with mental health issues to receive proper care. 

The MHFA program seeks to help dispel the misconceptions surrounding Mental Health issues. Even after receiving certification in Mental Health First Aid, I must assess my own preconceived notions, attitudes, concerns, and beliefs regarding mental illness so that I can effectively offer assistance. 

The most important skill to have is being fully in the present and listening. One of the biggest complaints from those with Mental Health issues is that no one takes the time to listen to them. By being fully present and truly listening can be the most effective help when guiding the distressed individual to support and treatment options.

What I learned during my training for Mental Health First Aid was the ACTION PLAN.

Just like in CPR, the action plan is C-A-B (Chest Compressions - Airway - Breathing) the MHFA  has an action plan, the mnemonic ALGEE.

A - Assess for risk of suicide or harm

L - Listen non-judgmentally

G - Give reassurance and information

E - Encourage appropriate professional help

E - Encourage self-help and other support strategies

In using Mental Health First Aid it's important that we:

Preserve life when a person may be a danger to self or others

Provide help to prevent the problem from becoming more serious

Promote and enhance recovery

Provide comfort and support

It's important to note that MHFA does not teach us to be therapists, but to offer and provide initial help and how to guide a person toward appropriate treatments and other supportive help.

Always keep this in mind: IT'S IMPORTANT TO CARE FOR YOURSELF FIRST!

It's common to feel worn out, frustrated, or even angry after providing MHFA to person in distress. Make sure you are able to talk to someone, de-stress, but always respect the person's privacy!

If you or someone you know would like to take this course, contact your local NAMI office. Or, if you'd like, you can contact me and I will answer your questions and give you more information.

Reflections on How I've Handled Having a Mental Illness

It has been 14 years since my "official" Bipolar Disorder 1 diagnosis. 

In the beginning, I felt like my diagnosis controlled me. 

Now, I am in control. Sure, there are still moments when I am sidelined by a PTSD episode, or a panic or anxiety attack, but those are infrequent.

Even though I have medication-resistant Depression, I haven't had a depressive cycle or manic cycle that hospitalized me in more than six months. 

Living a healthy lifestyle, (eating properly, getting proper exercise, avoiding stress) all help. 

Focusing on helping others rather than focusing on yourself, really works! 

Making yourself a priority is important. By that, I don't mean making yourself more important than others, but making sure you are physically, mentally and spiritually well at all times. 

If you aren't, it's very easy to fall into the "rabbit hole" again. 


So what can you do to avoid the "rabbit hole?" 

Try these coping techniques:


Live a balanced life. 
Take your meds regularly. 
Get consistent rest. 
Be grateful.
Talk to your friends.
Take walks.
Meditate.
See your therapist.
Comply with your psychiatrist.
Count your blessings.
Live spiritually.
Help others.
Volunteer.


I could go on and on with my list, but I wonder what you would consider doing to avoid the "rabbit hole?" 

Please comment with your suggestions.

Thanks!! 

Have a Blessed Day!

Grief - A Healing Process to Move Forward

"Disenfranchised grief"—the pain of a significant loss that is not openly acknowledged or socially supported.

No one can understood how to grieve for his or her losses that other don’t understand or that possibly you yourself don’t understand.

Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, a professor of gerontology at the College of New Rochelle in New York, who created the term in 1985, said, “disenfranchised grief could be produced from any number of conditions.”

Throughout my life, I suffered from many losses (loss of innocence, virginity, unborn child, loss of giving life, loss of family, 1^st marriage, trust in men, loss of mind to Bipolar Disorder, loss of back to car accident, loss of friends, aunt, loss of ½ of life when I turned 50, loss of grandma, loss of adolescence, loss of trust, security, loss of 25 years of writing and so much more)

I’d like to share my meditation healing process with you. Close your eyes and use your imagination.

Casually strolling through a fragrant meadow the forest up head calls to me. Mother Nature speaks in my mind that she will guide me to my healing place. I walk toward the inviting forest. With me, I carefully carry my “griefs”; reverently and with solitude. The temperature drops as I cross from bright sunlight to only dappled light filtered by the treetops.

Seriousness replaces my playful interest in my surroundings. I begin the healing ceremony to give those “griefs” held in my mind and heart for so long a new home.

Many of the “griefs” I carry have been with me nearly my entire life. Mother Nature tells me it’s time to let them go.

I’m not exactly sure where I am going; only knowing that when I get there I will know it is the right place. Then, I spot the spongy moss and fragrant. Here the earth is soft and pliable.

With only my hands for tools, I dig a hole large enough to lie into it. The ground is cool, a bit damp, and I smell the rich moist soil.

While lying in the hole, my receptacle, I think about each grief I hold in my mind and heart. I talk to each one, telling them I have found a new home for them.

I feel each grief as it passes from my body into Mother Earth’s cradle. There is no moaning, no keening, just a kind of simple release. As each grief surfaces in my mind, passes through my body and rests within Mother Earth’s body, lightness, a feeling or sense of closure told me the grief had left my body and found safety in Mother Earth’s arms.

The healing process transcended time. Some “griefs”, reluctant to leave, required a bit of gentle coaching and loving reassurance that it was time for them to move on, time for me to move on.

Finally, my mind and heart, my vessel emptied. The healing process too quite some time, however not arduous. Slow and gentle – for my “griefs” and for me.

Slowly I pick my self up and step out of Mother Earth’s cradle. I brush off soil and some dried leaves. Looking down at the hole I dug in the ground, Refreshed, motivated, inspired. Eager to leave the darkening forest and return to the warm, sunny meadow, I kneel, give the earth a soft caress and stand.

My “griefs” and I had come to terms. I had been their home for so many years; kept them from harm. They in turn kept me from moving on at times. So, now, they can rest easy in Mother Earth, knowing I’m still safe, but I will now be moving forward with grace, faith, and perseverance. I’ll always remember my “griefs.” But, that’s what they’ll remain now – a memory, no longer a deterrent.

With quickening steps, I head back toward the light I see ahead of me.

Mental Health Series: Dopamine Agonists and Compulsive Disorders – Not a Good Mix

I have several compulsive disorders: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, and Compulsive Shopping. My other disorders include Bipolar Disorder 1, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and more. Although, of the three compulsive disorders, Compulsive Shopping hasn’t been given an actual Mental Illness disorder designation, it is heading in that direction.

I remember back in 2008 when I realized I had a problem. I spent over $5,000.00 in one month. Most everything I bought was for my new granddaughter, but it wasn’t necessary or required. I just went in the stores, went to my happy place, and resurfaced as I left the store, wondering how I could have spent so much and why did I have so many packages and bags?

A blog post, Compulsive Shopping Symptoms and Secrets sums up the emotional aspects of why we shop:

COMPULSIVE SHOPPING SYMPTOMS

•                Compulsive shopaholics who shop when they are feeling emotional distress

•                Trophy shopaholics who are always shopping for the perfect item

•                Shopaholics who want the image of being a big spender and love flashy items

•                Bargain seekers who purchase items they don’t need because they are on sale

•                Bulimic shoppers who get caught in a vicious cycle of buying and returning

•                Collectors who don’t feel complete unless they have one item in each color or every piece of a set.

•                When they are feeling “out of sorts, shop for a ” pick-me-up.”

The blog posts goes on to identify some of the emotional symptoms identifying compulsive shopping:

•                Spending more than they can afford

•                Shopping as a reaction to feeling angry or depressed

•                Shopping as a way to feel less guilty about a previous shopping spree

•                Harming relationships due to spending or shopping too much

•                Losing control of the shopping behavior

Fast forward to this year, 2016. I have attempted to keep my compulsive shopping in check, although I still had my moments. However, this year, it went over the top out of control. My husband I moved an hour north of where we used to live in Tampa, FL, to an airport community. It was beautiful and so serene, calming, and relaxing. Everyone had the same interest; nearly every home had a hanger with a plane or three. The runway went right down the middle of the community with our roads as taxiways. I’ve developed five gardens so far in the back yard, and we have visitors such as deer, turkeys, Sand Hill Cranes, Eagles, Hawks, Falcons, rabbits, and more.

We did have to spend quite a bit of money getting the house prepared to move in as it was a foreclosure that sat empty for five years. It needed everything from air conditioning units; to appliances; to a septic tank lift station, to a hanger door. And so much more, this post could turn into a laundry list of repairs.

It took a LOT of money.

So, my husband’s idea was to put us on a budget to repay all the expenses incurred, as well as provide various categories for future spending with limits for each month.  It was something I just couldn’t grasp. I tried, every month, every week, every day, but I still was spending my budget in the first week, and moving money around to compensate for the rest of the month’s shopping sprees.

It even got to the point that one weekend, my husband wanted to Baker Act me into a psychiatric hospital to see if something seriously drastic could be done. Even if it just kept me from spending for a few days. It was a last ditch effort to stop my compulsive shopping and a way to save my husband’s own sanity.

Instead we had a very long, heart to heart talk about my feelings of being controlled by him and the budget, my feelings of not being worthy as I am a disabled Veteran and am unable to work outside of the home. What my purpose in life versus what my husband’s idea of my life purpose differed. I wanted to contribute more money to our income, but my husband felt that my mental health was more important, and I didn’t need to work, he’d rather I didn’t, and he preferred that I take care of the house, the pets, the gardens, and relax.

I just couldn’t do that.

So, he accompanied me to my next Therapist appointment and we talked to him and asked him to help. And, he has, but I got even more help from my psychiatrist today. I told him about the compulsive shopping and he immediately focused on dopamine agonists. It was first prescribed at the end of February 2016 for Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS.)

It has been discovered to have a very nasty side effect. It increases and causes compulsive activities.

Dopamine agonists were first released to the public in 1997. An ABC News article titled Strange Side Effects Surprise Patients, published July 15, 2008, stated the following:

Dopamine agonists, which mimic the brain chemical known as dopamine.

Dopamine works in the brain's movement and coordination centers, and it is also involved in the brain's pleasure response by reinforcing behaviors that provide enjoyment -- including drinking, drugs, sex and gambling.

The article went on to say that the makers of these dopamine agonists have been putting warnings in their medication documentation, but did not realize that it had gotten this out of hand, as stated in the ABC News article:

Scientists have recently begun to quantify the behavioral changes associated with dopamine agonist drugs. In a study presented in late June at the International Congress of Parkinson's Disease and Movement Disorders conference in Chicago, more than 13 percent of 3,090 Parkinson's patients had a problem with compulsive gambling, buying, sex or binge-eating.

People who were taking dopamine agonists had a two- to three-times greater chance of having one of the four impulse-control disorders.

A two to three chance? How about those who already have compulsive disorders? I can attest the chance of affliction is much higher and the effects are so much stronger.

What are dopamine agonists? 

According to the Parkinson's Disease Clinic and Research Center:

There are two commonly prescribed oral dopamine agonists in the United States:

Pramipexole

Ropinirole

• Apomorphine, a subcutaneously administered dopamine agonist, was approved for use in the United States in 2004. The dopamine agonists differ in several respects, including
• chemical structure
• duration of action
• side effects
• 
  
• Bromocriptine and the recently withdrawn pergolide are ergot derivatives and may rarely cause retroperitoneal, pulmonary, and pericardial fibrosis, and cardiac valvulopathies. Pramipexole and ropinirole have half-lives 6-12 hours and are therefore taken 2-3 times daily.
•  
• Pramipexole and ropinirole 
• Pramipexole and ropinirole are not ergot compounds. Large clinical trials comparing these medications to levodopa showed that they can be used in early Parkinson's disease and reduce the severity of symptoms. Over the years, differences in the effects of the dopamine agonists have emerged. One side effect is daytime sleepiness and "sleep attacks." Although this may occur with all of the dopamine agonists (and levodopa), it was first appreciated in people treated with pramipexole.
• 
  
• Apomorphine 
• Apomorphineis indicated in patients who experience "off states"refractory to modifications of oral medications such as increasing the dose or frequency of dopaminergic medications or introducting a COMT inhibitor. It has a rapid onset of action, usually within 10-20 minutes but the duration of action is short, lasting for only about an hour. Apomorphine is only available from specialty pharmacies. Because nausea occurs in the vast majority of patients, pretreatment with trimethobenzamide (Tygan®) is required. Initial titration and observation for side effects (syncope, hypotension) must occur in the physician's office.

In January 2014, the Addiction.com website wrote an article that provides some helpful information about what to do if you’ve been taking dopamine agonists.

If you’re a patient taking a dopamine agonist, the options are unfortunately limited. It’s worth noting that the incidence of these side effects is quite low, but there is still a chance you’ll develop them. If you’re experiencing symptoms of compulsive behavior after starting on a dopamine agonist, the best thing to do is to contact your doctor about it as soon as possible. Compulsive gambling, sex and shopping all have the potential to financially ruin patients or obliterate romantic relationships, so the importance of reducing their impact can’t be overstated. In the event of negative consequences, your physician may be able to suggest an alternative treatment. Do what you can to better your health!

As for my mental health, my psychiatrist took me off the medication immediately. I am now taking supplements to treat my Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS): Potassium and Magnesium. It will take approximately two weeks for the effects of the drug to leave my system.

I no longer have this dark cloud hovering over me, questioning every purchase or thought of purchase. I have a better future to look forward to with my husband and our plan to get out of debt.

Have a blessed and happy day.

Vicki